Machine Gun Kelly, known offstage as Colson Baker, recently opened up about a traumatic chapter from his childhood during an episode of the “Dumb Blonde” podcast hosted by Bunnie XO. The conversation delved into the complexities of his upbringing, particularly the impact of a tragic event that shaped his life and career.
Baker’s childhood was anything but ordinary. Growing up as the son of Christian missionaries, he moved frequently, living in places like Germany, Kenya, Egypt, and Texas. However, it was a harrowing incident that occurred when he was just nine years old that left a lasting mark on him. His father was implicated in the murder of Baker’s grandfather, an event that would haunt the family for years.
“The story that was always told to me was that their dad dropped the gun and his head essentially blew off,” Baker recounted during the podcast. This traumatic experience unfolded in the same room where his father was present, leading to a trial that involved both his father and grandmother. Fortunately, they were acquitted, but the emotional scars remained.
Baker reflected on how this early trauma influenced his life, particularly his passion for music. He described himself as a “really shy, f—ed up kid” who felt broken inside. “I’m just now fixing myself,” he admitted, expressing a desire to move away from the image he had cultivated over the years. He acknowledged the loneliness that often accompanied his fame, stating, “I’m also kinda sick of being on an island alone, outside of my fans who can really read into the music.”
This isn’t the first time Baker has addressed the impact of his childhood on his mental health. In the 2022 Hulu documentary “Machine Gun Kelly’s Life in Pink,” he shared more about his family’s history and the emotional turmoil he experienced growing up. In one poignant moment, he flipped through a scrapbook titled “MY BLOOD!” and came across an article detailing the murder of his grandfather.
“I watched my Dad suffer a lot. He watched his dad die in front of him,” Baker narrated, highlighting the generational trauma that affected his family. He described his father as loving yet emotionally distant, grappling with his own demons. Baker theorized that his struggles with self-worth stemmed from his childhood experiences, saying, “Maybe I sabotage myself on purpose ’cause I just feel not worthy of being loved.”
His daughter, Casie, also provided insight into her father’s struggles in the documentary, noting, “I can see why my Dad is so depressed, ’cause like it kind of passed on through generations to him.” Baker poignantly remarked, “The wound’s too deep to heal,” indicating the lasting effects of his family’s history on his mental health.
Despite these challenges, Baker has channeled his pain into his music. His most recent album, “Mainstream Sellout,” released in 2022, reflects his journey and the emotional turmoil he has faced. The album followed the release of his documentary, which garnered significant attention, particularly due to his high-profile relationship with actress Megan Fox.
Baker’s relationship with Fox began when he cast her in the music video for his 2020 song “Bloody Valentine.” Their connection has been a source of both inspiration and scrutiny, further complicating Baker’s public persona. As he navigates the complexities of fame, he continues to confront the shadows of his past.
In the podcast, Baker’s candidness about his struggles with mental health and the impact of his childhood trauma resonated with many listeners. He emphasized the importance of addressing these issues, stating, “I don’t have the energy to be the image that I was.” This vulnerability has allowed him to connect with fans on a deeper level, as they see the real person behind the celebrity facade.
As Baker continues to evolve as an artist and individual, he remains committed to his journey of healing. His willingness to share his story serves as a reminder of the power of music as a form of expression and therapy. Through his art, he hopes to inspire others to confront their own struggles and find solace in the shared experience of pain and resilience.
Machine Gun Kelly’s journey is a testament to the complexities of life, fame, and the enduring impact of childhood trauma. As he navigates the challenges of his past, he continues to create music that resonates with fans, offering a glimpse into his world and the healing process that comes with it.
Source: Entertainment Weekly, Us Weekly
