A recent TikTok video by 19-year-old Rustin Vanker has ignited a lively debate about how often young adults should communicate with their parents. In the video, which has garnered 365,000 likes and 2.2 million views, Vanker revealed that he calls his mom, Kristi Vanker, 44, two to three times a day. This revelation came as a shock to his friends, who call their parents far less frequently.
Vanker shared his surprise and discomfort upon learning that one of his friends calls his mom only three times a month, while another calls his parents just once a month. “Honestly, I was a bit shocked when I heard how little my friends call their parents, and it made me not really want to share how often I do,” he told Newsweek. Despite feeling embarrassed, Vanker emphasized that he and his mom have an amazing relationship, and he values her advice on various matters.
According to a Pew Research Center survey conducted in late 2023, 46 percent of young adults aged 18 to 34 talk with their parents a few times a week, while 14 percent do so once a day. The survey, which included 4,512 U.S. adults, highlights the varying degrees of communication between young adults and their parents.
Vanker’s friends were somewhat judgmental about his frequent calls to his mom. In his video, he questioned whether it was unusual to call parents so often, noting that his friends seemed to look down on it. “Are we not supposed to call our parents? Because everyone was kinda looking down on it, like you call your mom that many times?” he said. “I was like yeah, why wouldn’t you? I’m gonna get great advice, have a good time, oh man, I felt terrible about myself.”
Vanker attributed his frequent calls to his relationship status and boredom, explaining that his cousin and brother have girlfriends, which means he doesn’t call them as often. “I’m so single, holy c***!” he exclaimed.
The video sparked a range of reactions online. Some TikTok users shared that they rarely call their parents, citing busy lives and other responsibilities. One user commented, “I have a great relationship with parents however I speak with them randomly I’ll go months. Idk I have 3 kids a wife work time just passes by.” Another user added, “I don’t remember the last time I called either of mine.” A third user said, “I only call anyone if someone died.”
However, several commenters expressed support for Vanker’s frequent calls to his mom. One user said, “Yeahhh I call my mom a good 3-10 times a day.” Another added, “I call my mom twice a day ahhahahaha not ashamed at all.” Christina commented, “I call my mom 3 times a week no shame. One day a month whole day at least.” Simma shared, “When I lived in a different state than my parents, my mom was begging me to get a boyfriend so I would stop calling her.”
Vanker found the positive online response validating. “It was also a bit sad to see just how many moms were commenting, wishing that their kids called more often, which was really eye-opening to know that when I call it’s not a burden or annoying to my parents,” he said.
The debate around how often young adults should call their parents touches on broader themes of family dynamics and societal expectations. While some may view frequent communication as a sign of dependence, others see it as a testament to strong family bonds. The varying opinions highlight the diverse ways in which people maintain relationships with their parents.
For Vanker, the frequent calls to his mom are a source of comfort and guidance. Despite the initial embarrassment, he remains unapologetic about his close relationship with his mom. “We genuinely just have an amazing relationship, and I love getting her advice on things,” he reiterated.
The discussion also sheds light on the changing nature of family communication in the digital age. With the advent of social media and instant messaging, the ways in which young adults stay connected with their parents have evolved. While some may prefer less frequent, more meaningful conversations, others find solace in regular, everyday interactions.
Ultimately, the frequency of communication between young adults and their parents is a personal choice, influenced by individual circumstances and family dynamics. Vanker’s story serves as a reminder that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to maintaining family relationships. Whether it’s a daily call or a monthly check-in, what matters most is the quality of the connection and the mutual support it provides.
Source: Newsweek
