We all aspire to have a loving and fulfilling romantic relationship, one that lasts and brings satisfaction. However, this is not always the reality. According to Dr. Emma Ribas, an expert in couple relationships, it is indeed possible to achieve this. In her new book, Mindful Love: Success in Love, Dr. Ribas, a general health psychologist specializing in psychotherapy, couple therapy, clinical sexology, systemic therapy, and neuroscience-based mindfulness, takes us on a revealing journey to the heart of conscious love. Mindful Love is described as a lifestyle that marries mindfulness with love and relationships.
Mindful Love, or conscious love, invites us to embark on a transformative journey towards developing the wisdom of loving and being loved. It’s the application of mindfulness principles to the realm of romantic relationships.
In today’s fast-paced world full of stress and competition, many couples no longer connect meaningfully. They stop looking at each other and lose the essence of physical presence. Arguments and misunderstandings leave lasting impacts, as partners disengage and focus on activities as a means of escape. Neuroscience shows that mindfulness can structurally and functionally change our brains. Furthermore, recent studies have uncovered a connection between the heart and brain, illustrating how emotions can alter our perception. As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry famously stated, “One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.” This is the essence of Mindful Love.
Achieving success in love is a universal desire. Those who are single wish for a partner, while those in relationships often voice dissatisfaction. There is widespread discontent in romantic matters, rooted in a societal misunderstanding: many view love solely as an emotion, when in truth, it is a state of consciousness.
The myths of romantic love have caused considerable harm. Ideas like "the better half," "the prince charming," or the notion that "love is suffering" can foster toxic relationships and fill psychologists’ offices with emotional distress. Emotional discomfort often manifests as physical symptoms. It’s essential to pay attention to our bodily signals regarding mental health.
Cultivating Mindful Love allows us to consciously choose an ideal partner and elevate our existing relationships. A lack of self-awareness often leads couples to unknowingly repeat patterns of behavior. This happens as individuals seek from others what they never received themselves. During the infatuation phase, adrenaline rushes and we project our needs onto our partners, expecting them to fulfill our desires. When that phase ebbs, many realize the differences that now seem insurmountable.
Yes, managing expectations is crucial. Realizing that our chosen partners are reflections of our own wounds can shift our perspective. Mindful Love encourages radical acceptance—not to tolerate disrespect or mistreatment—but to cease focusing solely on what we wish our partners would change. Instead, we should explore our own complaints about our partners, as these often reveal deeper issues about ourselves. For instance, if one feels unseen by their partner, it may be necessary to reflect on whether they see themselves or to consider who might not have seen them during their formative years.
Common thoughts about love may lead one to believe that bad luck tends to follow them, especially when it comes to romantic interests. Despite these beliefs, many struggle to establish stable, healthy, and satisfying relationships. It’s crucial to recognize that luck plays a minimal role; rather, individuals have the power to choose who they entrust with their hearts.
Due to misunderstanding, personal wounds, and societal prejudices, we often make several recurring mistakes when choosing partners. Common pitfalls include believing that love conquers all, thinking someone will undoubtedly change, entering into unequal relationships, succumbing to the pressure of starting a family, and having an irrational fear of loneliness.
When patterns repeat in relationships, it can feel inevitable that lasting love is out of reach. It’s common to feel that one will never achieve success in love, especially when reflecting on failed relationships without extracting any lessons from them. If we fail to learn from our previous choices, we risk repeating the same mistakes and feeling perpetually frustrated. In these moments, personal growth and resilience become key to breaking the cycle.
Yes, we often underestimate the importance of self-love. Focusing solely on others can detract from our own needs and desires. It’s vital to remember that you are the most important person in your life. As Dr. Ribas suggests, acknowledging limiting beliefs can be transformative. She emphasizes the idea that partners can be invaluable teachers, revealing our sensitivities and helping us to address and heal them.
In her book, Dr. Ribas shares her personal journey of discovering love through Mindful Love. She encourages readers to engage deeply with the concepts in her book rather than taking them at face value. The book includes numerous impactful exercises and meditations, which, alongside her own experiences, are crafted to assist readers in achieving success in love.
Mindful Love is specifically crafted for anyone seeking to incorporate conscious love into their lives. It invites individuals to awaken, move beyond traditional notions of love, and break free from repetitive patterns. As psychologist C.G. Jung stated, “Love is the most powerful force in the universe, capable of transforming life and the world.”
If you want to explore these insights further, you can find more on the topic here.
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