Lily Allen has recently opened up about her relationship with her husband, David Harbour, revealing some candid details about their private life. The 39-year-old singer admitted to occasionally “kink-shaming” her husband during an episode of her BBC podcast, Miss Me?, which she co-hosts with Miquita Oliver.
During the podcast, Allen was asked if she had ever kink-shamed anyone. Initially, she said no, but upon reflection, she wondered if she had playfully scrutinized Harbour for his sexual preferences. “I wonder if I kink-shame my husband,” she mused. “Because he quite often asks for things, and I’m like: ‘No babe, it’s not happening.’”
Oliver pointed out that this behavior could be considered kink-shaming, to which Allen clarified that she wasn’t harsh about it. “I’m not like: ‘You piece of s***, how dare you ask me to do that!’” she explained. “I’m just like: ‘Hmm, headache. Little headache, got a bit of a headache, maybe not tonight.’”
Allen expressed her hope that Harbour wasn’t listening to the episode, fearing he might question where her “sexy” side had gone. Oliver suggested that Harbour would love the “kinky b****” side of Allen, prompting the singer to reflect on how her feelings about kinks have evolved over the years. Allen, who has been sober for five years, revealed that alcohol used to play a significant role in her sexual experiences. “I think the alcohol had a lot to do with the kink in me,” she admitted. “Before I got together with David, I don’t think I’d ever had sex not drunk.”
Despite her playful refusals, Allen emphasized that she doesn’t want to shame anyone and is open with Harbour about her past sexual experiences. “I’m quite into normalizing everything that people are ashamed about in themselves,” she said. She shared that during the breakdown of her previous marriage, she was very promiscuous and experimental, even having sex with female sex workers. Allen wrote about these experiences in her memoir, My Thoughts Exactly, to reclaim some power and to help others feel less ashamed of their own behaviors.
Allen believes that being open-minded and non-judgmental is crucial, especially as a musician. “To me, that’s what art is, that’s what creativity is, helping people come to terms with their own behavior,” she said. “And behavior that society sometimes looks down on, but we’re all just human, right?”
This isn’t the first time Allen has spoken openly about her marriage. In a recent interview with The Sunday Times, she revealed that she and Harbour control what apps they can each have on their phones. Allen uses a phone designed for children, which requires a parent to be linked to it. “My husband is the caregiver on it, so he controls what I’m allowed to have as an app on my phone. I’m the controller of his as well,” she explained.
The couple first met on the exclusive dating app Raya in 2020 and married in Las Vegas a year later. Allen was previously married to Sam Cooper, with whom she shares two daughters, Ethel, 13, and Marnie, 11. The former couple separated in 2016 and finalized their divorce in 2018.
Allen’s candidness about her relationship with Harbour and her past experiences offers a refreshing perspective on the complexities of marriage and personal growth. Her willingness to discuss these topics openly helps to normalize conversations about sexual preferences and the challenges of maintaining a relationship.
