Hitmen are a staple in action thrillers: the good guy tries to stop the bad guy, the bad guy hires a hitman, and the good guy takes out the hitman before the final showdown. This formula is seen in countless films, from James Bond to John Wick. Typically, these assassins are portrayed as highly skilled and deadly. However, not all hitmen are cut from the same cloth. Some are downright terrible at their jobs, making you wonder how they ever got hired in the first place.
Take Vincent Vega from “Pulp Fiction,” for example. Played by John Travolta, Vincent’s carelessness with gun safety is astonishing. He accidentally shoots Marvin in the face, a mistake that should have ended his career. His ultimate downfall comes when he leaves his gun unattended, allowing Butch to use it against him. Vincent’s sloppy behavior makes you question how he survived in the hitman business for so long.
Then there’s Ray from “In Bruges,” portrayed by Colin Farrell. Ray botches his first job by accidentally killing a child along with his intended target, a priest. This mistake haunts him, leading to a series of failed suicide attempts and a botched assassination attempt by his boss, Harry. Ray’s incompetence makes it clear that he is not cut out for the hitman life.
Gary Johnson, played by Glen Powell in “Hit Man,” isn’t a real hitman at all. He’s a college professor working undercover for the police, setting up sting operations. While the premise is entertaining, Gary’s lack of follow-through makes him a terrible hitman. If you can’t complete the job, you’re not very good at it.
In “Dumb and Dumber,” the hitman known as “Mental” makes a fatal mistake by leaving his food unattended with his targets, Lloyd and Harry. They unknowingly exploit his ulcer with hot peppers and rat poison, leading to his demise. A professional hitman would never let his guard down, even around a couple of idiots.
Gaear Grimsrud from “Fargo,” played by Peter Stormare, is more competent than his partner Carl Showalter, but his rash actions lead to a series of unfortunate events. When Carl fails to bribe a police officer, Gaear shoots the officer, escalating their crimes from kidnapping to triple murder. Gaear’s impatience and Carl’s incompetence make for a disastrous duo.
Derrick Smith and Shane Stant in “I, Tonya” were hired to intimidate Nancy Kerrigan but ended up injuring her instead. Their plan was poorly executed, and their constant bragging led to their arrest. Their incompetence is a testament to how not to carry out a hit.
In “Midnight Run,” Tony and Joey are mob hitmen who fail repeatedly to capture their target, The Duke. Despite multiple opportunities, they can’t seem to get the job done. Their failures make them a laughingstock in the world of professional assassins.
Dmitri from “The Grand Budapest Hotel” is forced into the role of a hitman after his usual enforcer is killed. His lack of experience shows when he fumbles an assassination attempt, leading to a chaotic firefight. Dmitri’s ineptitude highlights the importance of hiring professionals for such high-stakes jobs.
In “Death to Smoochy,” TV execs Marion Frank Stokes and Burke Bennett hire hitmen to kill Smoochy the Rhino but end up killing the wrong rhino. Their second attempt involves hiring a children’s entertainer named Buggy Ding Dong, who also fails. Their poor choices in hitmen lead to a series of comedic failures.
Finally, Fernando Vidal from “The Simpsons” is touted as the world’s most devious assassin but fails spectacularly in his attempt to kill Grandpa Simpson. His methods are initially professional, but his focus unravels, leading to a botched assassination attempt. Vidal’s failure is a reminder that even the most reputed hitmen can have off days.
These hitmen defy the stereotype of the silent, deadly killer. Their incompetence adds a layer of humor and unpredictability to their respective films, making them memorable for all the wrong reasons.
